saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
