Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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