I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
