Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
