I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
