i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
