from now on my penis is your penis
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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