I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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