no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
