Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Randomize
