I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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