Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
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I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
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You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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