Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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