my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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