someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
