thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
