Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
