She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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