Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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