The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
