This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
