I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
