The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
