i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
