Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
