it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
