Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
