i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
