Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
