I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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