Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
