dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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