you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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