I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
