giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
