96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
