If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
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