is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My hand turned me down
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
