Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
