Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
