at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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