we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
