Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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