it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
