I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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