Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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