Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
