Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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