standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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