I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
