help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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