I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
