you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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