I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
