You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
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I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
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You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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