i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Why can't burritos get me drunk
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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