We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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