My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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