Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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