I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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