We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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