woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
