The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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