is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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